The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 29th January, 2018 – Always Do Your Best

Happy Monday!  I hope you have had a good week and managed not to make too many assumptions.

This week we turn our attention to Don Miguel Ruiz’s fourth and final ‘agreement,’ ‘Always Do Your Best’.  I love this one! Yes, I realize I say this about each one but, in my opinion, each ‘agreement’ contains a lot of wisdom that can be applied to our lives to great effect.

When I was at school and worried about an exam my mum would always say “just do your best.” While her words were well intentioned, I often felt under pressure; what if my best was simply not good enough?!  What then? Many of us, can relate to this, I’m sure.

As a teenager I didn’t have the insight to know that your best can change depending on your inner resources at the time and also your external circumstances. For example, studying for an exam in the morning after a good night’s sleep will usually result in a ‘better’ result than cramming last minute and late at night, for obvious reasons. Ruiz’s ‘Fourth Agreement,’ also illustrates that your best is better when you practise self-love and self-care rather than being self-critical.

When we are affected by ‘mental noise’ it is, in fact, impossible to do our best as we are battling the inner critic whose voice can drown out all of our ‘best’ attempts to do well.

When you practise true self-love your best is always good enough and it is not dependent on the result but on the effort that you made with the energy that you had at that point in time.

According to Ruiz, “when you do your best you learn to accept yourself” and this allows you to soften the internal critic. If you can put your hand on your heart and say to yourself “I did my best,” the invisible self-judge has no choice but to back down.

‘Always doing your best’ summarizes the ‘Four Agreements,’ as it allows us to discover that we are not perfect and that although our best may not yield ‘perfect’ results it is good enough! Looking back on the previous three Agreements’, Ruiz helps ease any pressure to always achieve them by stating:

“Don’t expect that you will always be able to be impeccable with your word.  Your routine habits are too strong and firmly rooted in your mind. But you can do your best. Don’t expect that you will never take anything personally; just do your best.  Don’t expect that you will never make another assumption, but you can certainly do your best.”

This makes so much sense and the beauty of it is that when you take the pressure off yourself your best will come much more easily.

Have a great week and as always please do your best to share  The Positive Habit blog with anyone you think could benefit. I am also always so happy to get your feedback.

Always Do Your Best

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Always Do Your Best

2018 Workshops

Dublin – 17th February 2018
Cork – 3rd March 2018

Full Price Ticket is €130.00

Presented by Nutritional Therapist Elsa Jones & Clinical Hypnotherapist Fiona Brennan, ‘Love Yourself Well’ is a unique mind-body weight management program that deals with both the physical and psychological components of weight management, providing you with tools that will lead to lasting weight loss success.

At Love Yourself Well, we invite you to attend a one-day masterclass workshop where you will be given a set of uniquely effective tools help you manage your weight & health for life. You will then have the option to become a Love Yourself Well member where you will have access to a private online support group and have monthly live webinar sessions with Fiona & Elsa (inc. Q&A) to help you stay on track & reach your health goals.

Always Do Your Best

The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 15th January, 2018 – Don’t Take Anything Personally

DearHappy Monday!  I hope this email finds you in good form and ready to start the week on a positive note.

I’m excited to hear about how you got on last week with Don Miguel Ruiz’s First Agreement, ‘Be Impeccable With Your Word’.  I found I did have a few moments where some words were almost out of my mouth and then I paused and thought is this the best way I can express myself? What impact will this have on the person I am talking to? I think that it is not only the words we choose but the way that we use the words that matters.

We may use lovely words but if there is aggression behind the words they are far from lovely.

This leads me to the Second Agreement, ‘Don’t Take Anything Personally,‘ which Ruiz’ describes as:

“Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

Boy oh boy, is this something I see a lot of in my work! If everyone immediately became immune to the opinions of others my waiting list would decrease drastically! This is one of the most common problems I help people with. “What will people think?” is a phrase I hear too often. I sense the intense suffering many clients have as they ponder and project what others will think about them if they seem them in any way weak or vulnerable. This can include issues with blushing to having an unsteady or nervous voice during a presentation.  The root of this fear often stems from the need to be accepted and approved of.

In order to reach the enlightened state of being where we are genuinely not affected by what we perceive other people think about us (because the truth is that we can’t read minds and don’t really know what other people think) requires a lot of deep inner work on security and confidence.  The world would be transformed for the better if no one took anything personally; there would be significant decreases in levels of crime, murders, and wars.  The ego and fear of what other people think leads humanity to behave in very inhumane ways.

Put ‘Don’t Take Things Personally’ into practice:

1. If someone insults you remember that this represents more how that person feels about themself and they are projecting their poison onto you. If you accept those words you also accept their poison which Ruiz describes as ‘black magic’. I find that empathy is a quick and effective way of removing the feelings of hurt or anger that an insult can evoke.

2. Let go of the need to be accepted and approved of. This really means that you are not flattered by a compliment or insulted by an slight.  The only opinion that matters to you on an inner level is your own. This one takes a lot of practice…

3. Practising the First Agreement of ‘being impeccable with your word’ will give you the inner confidence to stand over anything that you say or do.  You have nothing to hide or fear.

4. Learn to not ever take things personally and make this a habit that you practise every day (from the car that cuts you off in traffic to a loved one taking out their bad day on you). Like any other habit, it becomes automatic over time and great freedom will come from that.

I wish you the best of luck with incorporating this agreement into your life. It can take a lot of effort but that effort will help you to live and love from a place of peace.

Next week we will consider the Third Agreement which is ‘Don’t Make Assumptions.’ One of the things I really love about these ‘Agreements’ is that they really help our relationships to flourish.

Have a great week and as always please do share The Positive Habit blog with anyone you think could benefit.

I will be creating a series of free videos throughout 2018, “Anxiety Free, Stress-Free, Choose The Positive Habit” and I will be sure to send them to you as they will be packed with sound advice, insights and practical tips to keep you mentally and emotionally fit.

don't take anything personally

‘Mind Yourself Now!’ – Listen to the podcast from last Monday’s show (8th January). Click on image above.

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If you are in financial difficulties then please consider the bursary scheme.  Our goal to help as many people as we can to feel calm,confident and in control.

Please take the time to take a look at Aoife McElwain’s book ‘Slow at Work’ which really captures how to cultivate a slow, more sustainable approach to work which will allow you to be productive AND avoid burnout. Please see here. I thoroughly recommend this book; Elsa Jones and I were honored to contribute to the research for this important book.

don't take anything personally
don't take anything personally

2018 Workshops

Dublin – 17th February 2018
Cork – 3rd March 2018

Full Price Ticket is €130.00

Presented by Nutritional Therapist Elsa Jones & Clinical Hypnotherapist Fiona Brennan, ‘Love Yourself Well’ is a unique mind-body weight management program that deals with both the physical and psychological components of weight management, providing you with tools that will lead to lasting weight loss success.

At Love Yourself Well, we invite you to attend a one-day masterclass workshop where you will be given a set of uniquely effective tools help you manage your weight & health for life. You will then have the option to become a Love Yourself Well member where you will have access to a private online support group and have monthly live webinar sessions with Fiona & Elsa (inc. Q&A) to help you stay on track & reach your health goals.

don't take anything personally

The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 1st January, 2017 – 3 Questions to Ask Yourself Today

Dear Positive Habit Blog subscribers,

Happy New Year!

I’m so happy to be writing to you on the first day of 2018 – a new day, a new week, a new month and a beautiful new year full of possibilities for you to create the life you deserve.

Many of us will be reflecting on some personal and professional New Year’s resolutions.  Personally, I embrace new year as an opportunity to clarify where I am and where I am going.  Right now, I am in the beautiful city of Verona, the home of Romeo and Juliet and this quote serves as a good reminder to cultivate patience and balance when it comes to New Year’s goals.

“Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast.”

William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

The excitement and excesses of the holiday season leave many feeling emotionally and mentally vulnerable.  When our energy is depleted we tend to give ourselves a harder time and leave the door wide open for our inner critic to judge all of our ‘shortcomings.’  This often results in pressure and the setting of harsh and unrealistic goals such as:

  • “I’m never drinking again!”
  • “I’m going to lose a stone in a week.”
  • “I need to get a new job and do a Masters at the same time.”

While these goals express positive intentions and may have some worth, the approach needs to be more measured and balanced. When we put pressure on ourselves to quickly change habits that have been ingrained for a long time, we end up feeling worse about ourselves than we did in the beginning. Often the resolutions we made on 31st December have faded by the second week in January and the inner critic now has a fresh mental stick to beat us with! Examples include,

  • “See, I told you, you are no good.”
  • “You never achieve anything you set out to do.’’
  • “You can’t stick to anything – just give up!”
  • How can you make goals that stand the test of time?

Whether it is January or June, truly achieving your goals is a matter of both perspective and patience.  We have become so conditioned to believe that external events will lead to the internal state we crave and that this is always in the future and difficult to attain. Examples include:

  • “When I lose weight then I will feel attractive.”
  • “When I get a new job then I will feel confident.”
  • “When I am fit then I will feel healthy.”
  • “When I am in a relationship then I will feel lovable.”
  • “When I get my degree then I will feel intelligent.”

Behind all of these thoughts is the belief that you are only good enough if something or someone external validates it. However, by putting the internal state first as the goal (in the present tense) then the external goal becomes the consequence of the internal feeling.

Read these sentences again and focus on the difference.

  • “I feel attractive and then I will lose weight.”
  • “I feel confident then I will get the new job.”
  • “I feel healthy then I will be fit.”
  • “I feel lovable and then I will be in a relationship.”
  • “I feel intelligent and then will I get my degree.”

It is the internal state that drives us to take positive action.


For example, we first need to feel confident (internal state) in order to perform well at an interview to get a new job (external goal). Ultimately it is not complex and comes down to where you put your attention.  If you focus on feeling confident, healthy, intelligent, loveable and attractive NOW, not at some point in the future, you will have the energy it takes to achieve more than you may ever have imagined.

Success doesn’t make us happy, happiness makes us successful.

Ask yourself these three questions to help you find out what it is that you need to truly cultivate for 2018.

  1. How do I want to feel when I rise in the morning?
  2. How do I want to feel as I go through my day?
  3. What three external goals support these feelings in 2018?

Write down the feeling or feelings that you want to feel – this internal state is now your main goal for 2018 and allow everything to flow from this place.

Remove the pressure and replace it with patience and self-compassion.

Your subconscious mind will automatically look for opportunities that back up the goal of your internal state. When we feel good about ourselves good things happen as we exude a positive energy that draws people and opportunities to us.  Remember to be balanced, patient and kind and your best self will flourish in 2018.

Thanks for reading. If you found this blog useful, please do share it and encourage your friends and family to sign up so that they too can reach their full positive potential in 2018.

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3 Questions to Ask Yourself Today

2018 Workshops

Dublin – 17th February 2018
Cork – 3rd March 2018

Early Bird until January 6th 2018 is only €115.00
Full Price Ticket is €130.00

Presented by Nutritional Therapist Elsa Jones & Clinical Hypnotherapist Fiona Brennan, ‘Love Yourself Well’ is a unique mind-body weight management program that deals with both the physical and psychological components of weight management, providing you with tools that will lead to lasting weight loss success.

At Love Yourself Well, we invite you to attend a one-day masterclass workshop where you will be given a set of uniquely effective tools help you manage your weight & health for life. You will then have the option to become a Love Yourself Well member where you will have access to a private online support group and have monthly live webinar sessions with Fiona & Elsa (inc. Q&A) to help you stay on track & reach your health goals.

3 Questions to Ask Yourself Today

The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 18th December, 2017 – Thank You for Your Magic!

Dear Positive Habit Blog subscribers,

This week, all I want to say is THANK YOU for reading this and for all of your support throughout 2017. I’m so grateful to have every one of you with me each week and that you take the time to open and read The Positive Habit Weekly Blog. I remain eternally grateful to those who have emailed me to let me know that the blog has helped them in some way. Thank you also for sharing the blog with your friends and family and for spreading the positive vibes.

“No-one has become poor by giving.”

Anne Frank 

If you have read ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’, you will know what an incredible, young girl she was; her words of wisdom stretched way beyond her years and touched the hearts of millions.  She has brought magic to the lives of many just as your stories have brought magic to mine.  Your stories of courage and compassion lift my heart and remind me of the joy of living and giving.

My intention with the blog has been and remains to help you and to bring a smile to your Monday mornings.  I hope that the themes covered have resonated with you on some level and have helped you to steer your own positive pathway. I share my personal stories to give my perspective on what it means to be human, to feel, to struggle and to navigate this wonderful journey called life. However, my words are nothing without your eyes to read them.

One of the things I love about writing the blog is that it trains my brain to keep my eyes and ears open for those special and/or challenging moments that I can learn from and then share with you. This actually keeps my neural networks firing and provides opportunities to put The Positive Habit into practice. The phrase used in neuroscience, ‘What wires together – fires together‘ identifies the brain’s plastic capacity to change and grow long after childhood.  Neuroplasticity demonstrates that positive change is possible and this is essentially a message of HOPE!

Please click on the image below to download my Christmas gift to you – an audio  MP3 called ‘Understanding Your Subconscious Power.’ Some of you will already be very familiar with listening to my self-hypnosis recordings but for some it may be a new experience and I hope that it helps you to stay calm and present this Christmas. Remember, the best gift you can give yourself and your loved ones is your presence.

Next Monday is Christmas Day so I will be taking a break from the blog (oh God, how will I remain positive?!) and I imagine you will be busy with your families and friends. Take good care of yourself and remember to find some ‘me time’ within the festive period.  If you feel overwhelmed at any time, press pause and take some deep belly breaths. This will relax your nervous system, slow your thoughts down and give you some precious space to enable you to cultivate calm.

I’ll be back in your mailbox on New Years Day with an uplifting post to get you bursting with positive vibes for 2018! Until then, take really good care of yourself, stay present, stay calm and remember to always see the best in yourself and everyone around you.

If you think the gift of the MP3 would help a friend then please do pass it on.

Have a joyful, happy and present Christmas.

Thank You for Your Magic

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Keep spreading the positive energy & make someone TRULY happy this Christmas.

Thank You for Your Magic

The Positive Habit continues to help people all over the world.

The Maintenance Program is now also available and is a wonderful way for people who have completed The Positive Habit to sustain their positive shift.

Thank You for Your Magic

2018 Workshops

Dublin – 17th February 2018
Cork – 3rd March 2018

Early Bird until January 6th 2018 is only €115.00
Full Price Ticket is €130.00

Presented by Nutritional Therapist Elsa Jones & Clinical Hypnotherapist Fiona Brennan, ‘Love Yourself Well’ is a unique mind-body weight management program that deals with both the physical and psychological components of weight management, providing you with tools that will lead to lasting weight loss success.

At Love Yourself Well, we invite you to attend a one-day masterclass workshop where you will be given a set of uniquely effective tools help you manage your weight & health for life. You will then have the option to become a Love Yourself Well member where you will have access to a private online support group and have monthly live webinar sessions with Fiona & Elsa (inc. Q&A) to help you stay on track & reach your health goals.

Thank You for Your Magic

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